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Asked her out...

SicɅrius

4 months ago

She said no... not because she doesn't like me (well, she didn't say weather she did or didn't), but because she's busy this week. What should I do now?

Comments

  • 4 months ago
  • 12 points

I'd just straight ask her if she wanted to another time or not. Then at least you will know right away and will either have one set with her or you can move on. Either way you won't have to wonder anymore. You will feel good either way.

And a quick piece of advice to hopefully help a bit: don't really think of it as an end all be all kind of situation, don't ask her like you are asking to be with her for all eternity. Just ask like you are trying to get to know her as a friend. Casually dating makes it so there is no pressure of a relationship, just hanging out getting to know each other. It'll make asking a lot less intense and/or awkward. Best of luck though man, it's a tough thing to do at first, but like anything, it gets easier with time and experience.

  • 4 months ago
  • 5 points

That's actually amazing advice, thank you.

  • 4 months ago
  • 4 points

Well arguably if she was interested, she would have offered up a different time for availability. But people are fickle things, everyone gets nervous, anxious, flustered and doesn't do things perfectly so that could be why too, so you could always ask later, or ask when is a good time.

Unfortunately this is the tough thing about romance/relationships is that no one wants to hurt anyone's feelings, or have their feelings hurt so a lot of communication ends up being wishy-washy non-committal vague nonsense that's difficult to navigate especially when you're in the position where 100% objectivity is impossible. And all of this is magnified when you're young and everything is still new.

So understanding that gives you an opportunity to help you help yourself. If you have the cajones to give it another go, I'd ask again a bit later and try to leave an opening for a definitive answer about interest. If you make it OK for her to shoot you down without consequences you'll both be better off for it.

IE, "Hey, you were busy last week, so I'm just seeing if you're free this week, and if you're not interested that's cool. I just needed to know, no biggie, no pressure."

Something in that general format. Something where she doesn't have to explain herself or feel like she's squashing you. Or where the best she can do is kick the can down the road because doesn't want to hurt your feelings. You want no or yes to both be equally weighted and it's a guilt free choice on her part.

I've had pretty good luck myself doing that sort of thing, asking direct questions, removing ambiguity and cutting out worry over guilt, feelings, etc. Because I'd rather know what the score is than protect my own ego. And people tend to appreciate the confidence it takes to put yourself out there and not put all the burden of your question on them. And you're going to find out some people are real jerks, and being decent about it consistently is really a feather in your cap.

  • 4 months ago
  • 3 points

What is with this website and people with amazing advice?

  • 4 months ago
  • 2 points

More experience to noise ratio? Pretty well moderated? Probably lots of little things add up.

And a lot of this isn't rocket surgery, people don't change, experience adds up, and having a forum to share it means you can get a pretty good consensus on what is up with pretty much anything., unless the forum is overrun by nutjobs, ala r/redpill or something like that.

The trick is people make up a wide spectrum so not everyone is necessarily going to fall into what my experiences have taught me, or anyone's single experiences for that matter. You still have to figure out where your niche is and what bits actually work best for you and the type of people you'll end up dating.

I mean should you pay on a date, for example? Some people will say yes, others no. Who's right? I just straight up ask, because I don't want to try and guess, so I preface it that, "it's not a trick question. I've dated people who prefer to go dutch, or switch on and off, or prefer me to pay and I'm OK with either I'm just not good at guessing. So how about it?" Seems to be OK most of the time. And there are times when people really do appreciate the flexibility (I would hear stories, dating war stories are great, lots of opportunity to learn stuff there). And someone who thinks I should be omniscient, well, they may not be right for me after all or vice-versa, I'm not right for them. I mean that's what dating is about ultimately. See who fits. And the more honest you can be with yourself the better off you'll be finding the right pieces to fit.

  • 3 months ago
  • 1 point

rocketsurgery lol

[comment deleted]
  • 4 months ago
  • 1 point

It's because people who spend all their time using computers and the internet almost always are sensitive extroverts who understand how people work even better than they understand how computers work.

/s

  • 4 months ago
  • 2 points

I don’t see the need for that “/s” you have there.

  • 4 months ago
  • 1 point

What DOES it mean though?

  • 4 months ago
  • 1 point

A “/s”? There are a couple things it could mean, but typically it is an indication of sarcasm or a joke. You post a /s when you don’t really mean something and feel the need to make sure that is understood to other readers on the internet.

  • 4 months ago
  • 3 points

As others have already said, ask her again. Be direct, make eye contact, smile, and be confident. If it helps with confidence, maybe going in with a "nothing to lose" attitude will help alleviate any nervousness. I would advise against any wishy washy language like "If you're busy, it's not a big deal" or "If you're not interested, that's cool". Just be direct and get an answer. If she says no again with no follow up on her part, respect her choice and move on.

I lived with such heartache over a girl I knew for most of my childhood. I finally went to prom with her and then nothing after that (she was apparently in a long distance relationship but still went to prom with me). After 8 years, I met her again here in Los Angeles, asked her out, and went on a date. It was short and sweet, but I missed out on her hints (I later realized this much too late) and blew the relationship. It hurt, badly. But a couple years later, I moved on and met the woman who would become my wife and the mother of my two sons. I learned a lot from heartache. Without it, I wouldn't be a husband and a father. So just go, put yourself out there, and fail as many times as need be. You only need to succeed once. Good luck.

  • 4 months ago
  • 2 points

F

  • 4 months ago
  • 1 point

F

  • 4 months ago
  • 1 point

Biggest of F's

[comment deleted by staff]
  • 4 months ago
  • 1 point

What? I know her in real life. She didn't refuse for no reason at all; she's actually busy. You're basically telling me I should forget her for no reason.

First time I get bad advice

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